He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he was CRYING into my vagina
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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