I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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