Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize