mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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