note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I need moral support for this bender
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
