I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
