You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
where are my eyebrows?
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