just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Never underestimate the power of titties
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