she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
