My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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