Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
