it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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