Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
