The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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