her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
