I can feel you judging me through the phone.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
