I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
