He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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