Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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