this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
