He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
