found the other keg... it's in the tree
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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