The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
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I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
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He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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