i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
