That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
