um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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