Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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