yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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