Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
