You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
