life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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