i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
