So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The power of my boobs compel you
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
