My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
