Your mouth is God's brothel.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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