just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
