i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I fill condoms, not promises.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
