yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
