I need help removing her.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
