I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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