i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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