It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize