it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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