i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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