i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
