i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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