We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
