She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
