We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
