Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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