Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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