this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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