So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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