I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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