Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
