I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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