I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
40s are totally the cure
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
