that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
