Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
