Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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