My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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