i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
