every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You are a genius and a whore.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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