that's an acceptable place to lick
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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