my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
