When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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