At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
