All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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