4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
